OH, THE VOMIT!3 min read

My friend Dorothy, which I nicknamed Leah, and I were walking in the woods today. We strayed off the path and got lost. I don’t know how we managed because the path was made of bright yellow bricks. When I finally spotted the path again I asked: “Shouldn’t we go back on the Oz Trail, Leah?”

…

And that’s where I’m writing from.

My plan was to sit down and write part 3 of my Frasier Island trip today but a more compelling story came to mind so unfortunately, part 3 will have to wait for a bit.

A couple nights ago, the roommates and I had much to celebrate! I don’t remember the exact details but, in short, we ended up at the pub across the street and had a jolly olde good time. Apparently, some of us… *cough* You know who you are *cough* had a hard time holding our liquor and came home early. We proceeded to vomit in the middle of the hallway, turned off the lights, go to bed and leave it there, all the while making sure the front door was locked. Now the hilarity about to ensue would have been hilarious for yours truly if it had not involved him. A series of unfortunate events (UE’s as I like to call them) unfolded, all prompted by the seemingly innocent and unimportant actions of others.

At about 10pm, I decided to swing home to grab my friend James’ camera stuff because he was heading home. He accompanied me along with my roommate and her friend, first UE. I got home first, noticed that the front door was locked, second UE, and ran down to the back of the house to come around and unlock the door for the others. James followed, third UE. As I got to the top of the stairs and started walking towards the front door, at the other end of a long, narrow hallway, my roommate and her friend, realizing that the door was locked, started banging at the door, fourth UE caused by first UE. I therefore increase my movement speed to jog.

So there I was, jogging to the front door to be a good Samaritan, minding my own business when a second away from reaching the door, the soul of my foot, which is normally a pretty sturdy surface to rest my weight on, became very unstable due to the fact THAT I WAS RUNNING IN VOMIT! I pulled a classic, just like in the movies, “slip on the banana peel” kind of stunt and slid all the way to a very nice, yet unplanned and unorthodox meeting with the front door. BAM!

My roommate, thinking I was trying to be smart with her by banging the locked door from the inside, politely asked me to stop fooling around and open the door: “OI! Open the door!”. My only reply was: “THERE’S PUKE EVERYWHERE!” All the while, James was following me and all he could muster up was: “HAHAHAHAHA!” When I finally got around to opening the door, and the situation became clear to my roommate because of the vomit smeared on my behind, I became the proverbial butt of the joke, that was mentioned for the next couple days.

Suffice to say I showered up and called it a night, for good reasons. The next day, unmasking the culprit was of the utmost priority. Fingers and blame were aimed in all directions. I finally found the culprit and forgave them, mostly because I still owe them lots and also, they added another hilarious story to my already sparkling collection. I think you’ll agree that putting part 3 on hold for a while was worth it.

Lesson learned: NEVER RUN IN THE DARK. Nothing good will ever come of it.

Australianly yours,

Joël

P.S. You will understand that I chose not to include pictures in this post.

Last Updated on December 22, 2020 by Joël Collin-Demers